Posted by: Ask Arden | November 2, 2009

Prevention of Date/Acquaintance Rape

One of the most traumatic, life altering experiences a female college student can have is being raped by someone she knows. Yes it could be your best friend, your boyfriend, a random guy on campus but it could also be someone you meet at a bar or party, some total stranger who attacks you in an open space.

So here are some guidelines that will help to educate you starting with some of the warning signs of choosing the wrong kind of man as your boyfriend. Run away as fast as you can from any of these men that display the following characteristics:

Emotionally abuses you (through insults, belittling comments, ignoring your opinion, acts sulky or angry when you initiate an action or idea.

Tells you who you may be friends with, how you should dress, or tries to control other elements of your life or relationships with others.

Talks negatively about women. Get jealous when there is no reason.

Drinks heavily or uses drugs or tries to get you intoxicated. Berates you for not getting high, drunk or having sex.

Is physically violent to you or others. Acts in an intimidating way to you.

Is unable to handle sexual or emotional frustrations without getting angry.

Doesn’t view you as an equal, either because he is older or he believes himself to be smarter or superior.

Has a fascination with weapons. Enjoys being cruel to animals, children or people he can bully.

Women need to adhere to the following guidelines:

You have the right to set sexual limits and boundaries and to communicate those limits. Sex must be mutual and consentual.

Be assertive. No is No.

Remain in control, especially on a first date. Take your own car and money.

Trust your gut and feelings-Cut your losses and your date if your date is behaving too aggressive or macho.

For College Freshmen, please take special precautions and do not go to a party alone or walk on campus alone when it’s extremely late. Do not jump at the chance to go out with a Senior, until you really know him as a friend.

I know this sounds somewhat extreme but please be very vigilant. After all there is only one special you and you need to be protective  of yourself.

God forbid you are in over your head here are some strategies to deal with a potential date rape confrontation:

Stay calm and assess the situation, then act quickly.

Try to get away and yell and scream for help like crazy.

When necessary, attack forcefully. One of my favorite patients, who was a crime rape victim, used her elbow to fend offher attacker. She and I believe that strategy saved her life.

Buy time with talk and destroy his idea of “seduction” make yourself appear less appealing to him.

Remember, “Giving In” is not consent. It just may be a survival strategy.

Take a self-defense class, like kickboxing, or karate it will surely empower you.

 Wishing you peace and blessings…

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